Recently, I experienced something entirely new. There was no build up to how it happened or much of a foundation at all. I experienced vulnerability in a relationship.
There I was–lying in bed, sick from the alcohol the night before. The cycles of hurling myself over a toilet seat finished and the Pepto-Bismol was finally kicking in. I was coiled up into a ball, wrapped in cotton sheets, feeling incredibly physically weak when she said to me, “I’m sorry. Can we pretend this never happened?”
My feelings evolved from being angry with her to being furious with myself. I was electrified that I let myself be and feel unprotected and defenseless.
Vulnerability is never about the other person. It is all about yourself–pushing your emotional boundaries, giving yourself a chance to reveal and uncover things you didn’t know before. I encourage everyone to take a chance- a leap of faith- and allow vulnerability. It is undeniably something to fear, but also something to salute.
Good friends, paper and pen, sleep, and nice walks are important in recovering from wounds suffered while vulnerable. Recognize your emotions and isolate them for what they are. You might feel down, negative, or simply unhappy for awhile–but discovering you are capable of opening your heart will be rewarding in the end.
Being vulnerable with your heart is one of the toughest human experiences possible; it is when you say, “I surrender all.” It’s humbling–a gracious state of being that forces you to give all that you have, knowing full well you may not receive the outcome that you desire.
