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Sexpertise with Millie: Should Friends Turn Into Lovers?

Millie’s back — this time looking at the relationship side of the sex equation!

Question: I think I might be into my friend as more than a friend, but I’m worried about risking the friendship. How do I test the waters to see if there might be more there without ruining the good thing we’ve got?

First off, go you for having the maturity to stop and think first and not just follow the bouncing hormones.  That shows you really do care about your friend.  Lots of people make the leap from BFF to find they wind up with an ex-sex buddy instead of the relationship they hoped for.  There’s a saying: once you’ve had sex you can’t go back to holding hands.  Okay, so that’s not really true, but some friendships don’t recover from forays into the carnal zone.

It’s easy to say it’s best to just be open and talk about it, but damn, that’s hard to do!  If you’re the kind of person who might break out in hives from blurting it out, you can still bring it up in roundabout ways to check in with how the other person is feeling.  Still, the easiest way is to make it simple: “I’ve wondered what it would be like if we were someday more than friends.”  Even if they don’t take the bait and continue the conversation you can watch their behavior after you broach the subject.  If they start avoiding you and acting distant they’re likely freaked out by the idea.  Give them some time to get used to it then go back to being friends as normal.  If they don’t want any change in your friendship, it should pass just fine.  If they start showing signs of interest though?  Time to introduce the subject again.  You can even do it by sharing this article with them!  “Oh, hey…  Lookie there… There’s an article in The Campanil on friendship…  And ooh!  A quiz!”


Friends and Lovers Quiz!


Whether you want to test the waters or just find out where your friends stand, take the simple quiz below to see who’s buddy-buddy and who’s open to some cuddling.

Circle one option per line, choosing the one that applies best to the way you see the world of friends and lovers.


1.  I’m cool with snuggling on the couch  OR  I’m cool with snuggling on the bed


2.  Friday night with the posse  OR Friday night hanging out with you


3.  I hate my ex  OR  I’m still cool with all my exes


4.  I like when you hug me  OR  I like when you hold me


5.  I hate making the first move  OR  I’m cool with making the first move


6.  Love has to come from romance not friendship  OR  Lovers can be friends first


7.  I value my friendships more than anything  OR  I’m open to love finding me via friendship


8.  Let sleeping dogs lie  OR  Nothing ventured nothing gained


Mostly first options?  You’re a “Don’t Risk Me” type friend.

Mostly second options?  You might be a “Maybe You Could Kiss Me” person!


People have a hard time opening up about sex and relationships, so if this column gets you talking?  All right!  Women especially need to share with each other so gather the girlfriends, toss the Cosmo aside and take our quiz together on your next girls’ night in!


Stay Sexy,