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Craigslist Ad for the Worst Roommate Ever

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$850 Room for Rent Walking Distance UC Berkeley (berkeley)

Date: 2013-10-3, 3:46 PM PST

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Room for rent available in adorable 2-bedroom apartment. Shared bathroom, kitchen, and living area with roommate. Rent includes utilities, cable, and WiFi. Super convenient location! Walking distance to three sushi restaurants, Ben & Jerry’s, Yogurtland, and a cupcakery.

A little about your future roommate, me:

I’m a political science major with a music minor. What this means is that I blare a lot of Fur Elise and Bruno Mars with bass. Why so loud, you may wonder at 3 in the morning when I’m singing “Treasure! That is what you are!” at the top of my lungs while you are trying to sleep and I am having my own private electronic concert in my room. Because I really love Beethoven.

My unemployed boyfriend has no place to live, so he’s currently spending some time at the apartment. He is at the apartment from 8AM-12-PM, 1PM-8PM, and 8:30PM-7:30AM (weekday and weekends). He leaves the house to go to the gym, so he’s not always there. All he does when he’s home is sleep on the couch, so I promise you’ll barely even notice he’s there!

The environment is really important to me. In an effort to save water, I never do the dishes.

The apartment has a laundry machine on site, which I use to wash my pet chinchilla. Just once through the “delicates” cycle, and Jeremy’s fur comes out so sparkling clean and soft!

I’m a very open and trusting person, so I will figure out that your Facebook password is “Sn00k1” and hack into your account to Like the new profile picture of myself I just posted.

I like to collect odds and trinkets. My self-identified interior stye is called “vintage hoarder.” The entire living room is decorated with all the soda cans I have opened since 2007.

When I sleepwalk, I go into the pantry and fridge and eat all the food labeled “IF IT’S NOT YOURS, PLS DO NOT EAT! THX” It is a real medical condition that makes me consume all your PopTarts, even when you have hidden your foodstuff in a locked and secure cabinet.

So if you’re interested in renting, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me!

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