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Confessions of a grad student | Really, what happens next?

(Dajanae Barrows)
(Dajanae Barrows)

At the moment, all that I can say is that this semester has been a train wreck.

Why would I even say that with all that I have done?

For starters, I did what I said that I would not do this semester: PROCRASTINATE. Procrastination has been my worst enemy for as long as I can remember, especially during my undergraduate years. At the same time, I always pulled through with decent grades. This time, I realized the failure in starting all my grad assignments at a late time: it gave me results such as rushed assignments that I KNOW that I could’ve done better on, sleepless nights, irritability and…self-doubt.

I revealed the inner depths of my depression and anxiety in my last installment of this column, and I’m still bouncing back from that. However, I feel that it does not truly excuse the procrastination that I’ve done as a student. So what happens now? Let’s make this negative into a positive.

I am thankful for the “irresponsible” choices I’ve made, especially at this point in time. The choices that I have made this semester have definitely prepared me for what is bound to happen for the next and last round of my master’s career.

I have a thesis that I am truly excited to work on; I’ve even compiled a list of texts, resources and even one of my favorite movies – “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (the 1984 version). I have to plan and save money to stay in the Bay Area and further my career. I’m planning to take a year off from academia and prepare the perfect application for my dream programs in English: Stanford University or UC Berkeley.

For once, I can say that the bad choices I have made caused me to work harder than ever before for this next and LAST semester as a student here at Mills. It has given me more of a reason as to why I came here, why I really applied for Mills’s master’s program during my undergrad years at the University of California, Irvine.

I’ve turned in my petition for graduation and started working on my thesis. Let’s get this final round started, shall we?

Or…maybe I should catch up on “Scandal” and “How to Get Away With Murder.” At least during the winter break. *cues theme song from “Daria“*