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BLOG | Self-Love Cleanse: Loving the Inner Mean Girl

I remembered being pissed when I heard a female voice in the background while I was talking on the phone with a guy I had feelings for (But keep in mind we were only friends at that time).

It wasn’t long before HE confronted me. “Why did you catch an attitude?”

HE then went on to say how she was his little cousin, which it turned out she was. I felt totally embarrassed because I had assumed the worst. My “inner mean girl” (the negative voice in my mind) began to get ratchet as all hell saying things like “HE’s a liar,” “You don’t deserve this,” “HE’s lying, you don’t have to tell him our feelings are hurt. You’re not jealous. HE’s out to get you!” It wasn’t pretty.

HE became the mirror that helped me see the issues I have and how my “inner mean girl” was negatively affecting my life. It was then I embarked on a self-love journey.

This post is ultimately not about romantic relationships and instead, will discuss the importance of having the relationship with oneself. A self-love journey is about loving myself for all of the insecurities and flaws I have.

That realization encouraged me to seek out solutions; I found some solutions at the The Loving Your Inner Mean Girl Workshop led by Christine Arylo of The Inner Mean Girl Reform School who encouraged me to begin the Self-Love Cleanse.

Amy Ahlers (left) and Christine Arylo, co-founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School. Screenshot from their "Stop the Self Sabotage...take the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse!" video below. (Youtube)

The workshop offered some solutions on how to deal with my personal issues. I never thought about my negative voice being my “inner mean girl.” But, that’s definitely what she is. A total mean girl! She constantly tells me I won’t finish my homework on time, that I’ll never have a “good boyfriend” or be a “good friend” because I didn’t deserve any of it.

While all of us has an inner mean girl, the manifestation is a little different for everyone. Sometimes there are “inner mean sisters” thriving inside you — six of them in total. Maybe you have the mean girl that tells you “You got an ‘A-‘ when you should have gotten an ‘A.'” Christine likes to call her the “achievement junkie” because nothing she ever achieves is good enough.

Or, maybe she or her sister’s the “comparison queen.” You know, that mean girl that tells you “You’ve been on television when you were 21. Big deal! Oprah has been on television since she was only 20.”

Whatever your inner mean girl says to you, her words come from a place of past hurt. Maybe, like me, you’ve been disappointed in past relationships with ex-partners. Maybe you’re still carrying baggage that needs to be dropped off at your local UPS storage that you can come and visit whenever you like versus being the hoarding “bag lady.”

If you have any of these mean girls or their sisters Judy Jealousy, Heather the Hater, etc., you can join me in the Self-Love Cleanse.

The Self-Love Cleanse is a 40-day journey in which you commit yourself to loving YOU.

When my inner mean girl says “Tymeesa, you’ll never do that” or “you’re not organized enough,” I tell her that I love her and ask myself “What am I afraid of?” The Self-Love Cleanse is a personalized journey. You can choose and make up whatever works for you.

Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve been disappointed many times in my life by family, friends, boyfriends — you name it! But, my inner mean girl doesn’t want me to get hurt again. As a defense mechanism, she says mean things out of fear or insecurity. I understand where she is coming from. So instead of hating her, I will love her.

The self-love cleanse can be done for yourself as well. It’s a daily battle. It’s moment by moment. Situation by situation, girl. Below, I will share some takeaways I’ve been using from the workshop in the last week:

Self-Love Cleanse: 10 Things to Do for the Next 40 Days

1. Write 108 things that you like about yourself.

2. Start your morning with gratitude. Look out the window and admire nature.

“How you start your day is how you live your day.”
–- Unknown

3. Talk to her (the inner self) in the morning. Tell her that you love her. Then, take that inner pause.

For the last week, I’ve been saying “I love you Tymeesa” three times every morning.

4. When people compliment you, accept the compliment and build a conversation around it. Really receive it! You’re not a bad person acknowledging that you’re cool.

5. Appreciate all of the things you have –- whether it’s your friendships, food, water, shelter, etc.

6. Drink a cup of tea to relax your soul in the morning. Tea really relaxes me so I start my day in a good state.

7. I write a morning prayer in my journal and thank God for what he’s done for me. If you pray or meditate, take the word “more” out of it.

For example: Instead of asking “God, let me be more loving,” ask God to continue to allow you “to be loving.” You are accepting yourself as you are right now.

8. During the day — lunch, mid-day or afternoon — celebrate 3-5 things that you’ve done so far. You will be surprised at how much you accomplish.

9. Be present.

I have a problem with this one because I’m always thinking in the past or future. But, I have to appreciate the moment. Why? If your mindset is in the past, you’ll be overcome with regret and if you’re thinking too much about the future, anxiety will consume you.

10. Because those are not positive feelings, you should let them go!

Good luck.

If you would like to learn more about Tymeesa Rutledge and her journey, you can follow her on Twitter @MiniPyTee to get day-by-day updates on her Self-Love Cleanse.

Related posts:

1. Self-Love Cleanse: Loving the Inner Mean Girl
2. Day 7: Accepting the Past
3. Day 13: Fear of Success Meets Procrastination
4. Day 32: Broke and Happy

To learn more about the Inner Mean Girl Reform School and where the Self-Love Cleanse came from, watch the organization’s video on Youtube: