A trusted advisor recently told me, “You’re a talented writer…I like the story idea and I think it can be turned into a book.”
After hearing that, Missy, my inner mean girl, becomes freakishly frantic. She starts screaming, “Book deal! Is she serious? Don’t get your hopes up, you’re not talented. You are meant to be broke and unhappy.”
And I know why she’s this way. Missy is scared of success. The fear of being too “hopeful” and then being disappointed in the outcome. And also the fear of being “too young” to be successful. I mean, aren’t all great writers supposed to be like Maya Angelou? I’m no Maya Angelou! Missy doesn’t know of many college-aged writers shopping book ideas to publishers.
However, Missy’s fears are unsubstantiated.
A big step in self-acceptance is realizing how often I love to dream. Sometimes I allow my daydreaming to interfere with my work as a distraction from work leading into procrastination. So, the idea of turning my feature story for The Campanil into a book became a scary concept for me. At this point, my habit of procrastination would kick in and my hands would cramp up with the fears of success, failure and mediocrity.
But I am aware of my self-sabotaging thinking patterns. You know the thinking that I’m not “ready” to step into big opportunities or “deserving” of those big opportunities. Procrastination is even more exemplified by creating dream boards and mapping out 5–year plans instead of focusing on the present.
So, how can I work on my problems with procrastination and insecurities?
First, I can admit my problem that often causes me to settle for a B+ when I know I can get an A.
It’s a problem that causes me to not be as productive as I should be. I am working on clarifying my needs versus my wants. I also try to focus more on the tasks before me and it’s starting to help.
Have you ever been scared of a big opportunity given to you? Or, of becoming a huge success? Leave a comment below.
If you would like to learn more about Tymeesa Rutledge and her journey, you can follow her on Twitter @MiniPyTee to get day-by-day updates on her Self-Love Cleanse.
1. Self-Love Cleanse: Loving the Inner Mean Girl
2. Day 7: Accepting the Past
3. Day 13: Fear of Success Meets Procrastination
4. Day 32: Broke and Happy