Contributing Writer Jen Mac Ramos will be blogging about her experience of reading one My Little Pony fanfiction story everyday, for 30 days.
This post encapsulates one week, from March 1st to March 7th.
So I stuck through week one of the challenge. I don’t know how that happened, but it did. Here are my reactions to the first seven days of the challenge. May based Helix help me for the next 23.
DAY 1: My Litte Ponly Friendship is Danger
I started with a Peter Chimaera fic because I’m familiar with their previous work. It’s more on the side of fanfiction written for the sake of being ridiculous, which is something I thought would ease me into the whole challenge. I was rather … perplexed at how someone could write something this incoherent on purpose. Then again, this is the internet and Rule 34 exists, so I shouldn’t question a lot of things. “Tihs is bassed off on the cartoon Friendship is Magil but I did it because I thought it would be good stoyr to do i am comming to convention soon go to mey facebook page” the description says. You know, I’m still not entirely sure what I just read.
DAY 2: Why Did You Change
So I went through the “angst” filter because I thought it’d be funny. After the first five or six lines, I looked at my screen, rather speechless, just laughing and saying “what” over and over again. “The pegasus wasn’t cold, she was trying to hide from the darkness around her.
It scared her.
The darkness…scared her.” Gee, I never would’ve…guessed. And there’s no worse fate than being a scared cat! But then suddenly…pony parents? And…dead pony parents? What the hell did I click on? DID THAT PONY JUST JUMP OFF A CLIFF??!! WHO WRITES THESE THINGS??? Oh good god, what did I read here.
DAY 3: Big Mac’s Special Somepony
My first thought here was “what in the hell is a somepony?” So I read it, trying to see if I could figure out what it was. Then, this line: “After all, Big Mac was a sensitive stallion – easily brought to the edge of tears.” I—
I—
I want to close my laptop, flip the table over, drop the mic, and just leave the room.
And the dialogue in this one…did I get transported back into a different era of writing? But it can’t possibly be worse from here. Right? …right?
“Was he really thinking he would rather have Cheese Sandwich than Pinkie Pie?” What do you mean there is a character named Cheese Sandwich, you have got to be trolling me this is all an elaborate troll job.
DAY 4: My Little Pony: Pony Labor Dabor
It was time for me to venture outside of the always reliable FanFiction.net. It was time for … Archive Of Our Own (AO3). Now, I’ve been on the Internet since the days of FanFiction.net and LiveJournal communities for fanfiction, but AO3 was a relatively new one. Something I haven’t really read much from because I stopped reading fanfiction over a decade ago. So I did a search for “My Little Pony” and I got this one. “Pony Labor Dabor.” Could it be weirder than ones I’ve found on FanFiction.net? Let’s find out!
“Suddenly Pinkie, wearing her Pinkietarmy and is holding her friend William Clark (a pinball machine), came from out of nowhere, frowning as she yells out, ‘All right, purple guy!'” Okay, yeah, maybe that was too easy of a challenge. And, now, I’m familiar that this is a children’s show and it should be aimed at children, but why would a pony have a friend that’s a pinball machine named William Clark? I don’t get it.
“Third-style William Clark and I are planning to make sure nopony or their siblings do any work at all today!” I’m 100% sure this would make so much more sense if I were aware of what actually happens in My Little Pony, or if I had ever seen an episode, but I’m just going to sit here in my confusion.
“We see the fourth animation. We see a bowling line outside a city, two sweaty heads spit out bowling balls that run down the gutters. Now the end of the line turns into a huge mouth and chomps up the balls; The words ‘DOUBLe gUTTeR’ are shown.” Oh, hey, sticky caps. Maybe I haven’t left 2002 after all. But then the fic ends with, “Now it turns into a cell phone that is marked ‘YOR ANNOY ING FREND’ before showing the next words ‘turn your stupid cell phone & bowl already’ with bowling balls behind the background.” So I don’t know anymore. I really don’t.
DAY 5: Captain Equestria and the Iron Pony
“Oh, this has a funny title. What could possibly go wrong?”
I, then, saw the summary: “Written for the prompt: ‘My Little Pony/Avengers fusion. Pony porn, people! Any avenger!’ Consider this your warning for hot pony on pony action.”
Is it too late for me to turn around and decline this challenge? Yes? Crap.
My reaction to this fic was similar to the cat in this video below.
DAY 6: BayBlade Battle
I went back to the familiar realm of FanFiction.net to cleanse my mind of the…My Little Pony/Avengers mashup that won’t necessarily leave my brain. “Whos gunna dudududududududu duel? WHO CUT THE CHEESE.” And I mean, what can go wrong when the fic has a summary like that?
But I guess this one has ponies of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton personalities and dislike each other? I…don’t really know how else to describe this one. In 140 words, I’ve managed to be more confused than with “My Litte Ponly Friendship is Danger” I read on the first day.
DAY 7: A Hoofful of Bits
Okay, this one, I read for the summary: “Sheriff Silver Star deals with some crime in Appleloosa. Rated Teen for Excessive Produce Violence.” Excessive. Produce. Violence.
Produce. Violence.
Produce.
So, like, what, a food fight?
“Lighting a candle, the Sherriff checked the armory, a.k.a. the kitchen. Several barrels of apples lined the wall, with bags of floor, some eggs, and other pie ingredients at the ready should he need to reload. He had set out some pies to cool last night, and one would make a mighty fine meal. Or would have, if not for the fact that all that remained was a few empty pie tins and a load of crumbs.” Oh. Well. I was not expecting that.
So then it became this…thing. That’s kind of like a lot of country and western tropes thrown together. With ponies and food.
“Another apple whizzed just past his horn.” And then suddenly, reading this fic was worth it, if only for that sentence. I mean, yeah, it did devolve into some kind of food fight, but that SENTENCE. Man. What a beaut.
So that’s the first week of my MLP fanfiction reading. That I haven’t quit yet is remarkable. But we shall see if I can last another week.
Related articles:
30-Day My Little Pony Fanfiction Reading Challenge: The Beginnings
30-Day My Little Pony Fanfiction Reading Challenge: Week 1
30-Day My Little Pony Fanfiction Reading Challenge: Week 2
